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You · can · follow · me · anywhere · except · into · the · dark
because I'm never going back.
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well man, if i can't get rid of it yet i might as well make it boring. breakfast: protein shake, fait avec: 1 c skim milk: 90 calories, 0g fat, 12g carbs, 9g protein 1 c frozen fruit mix: 80 calories, 0g fat, 21g carbs, 0g protein 1 scoop protein powder: 101 calories, 1g fat, 5g carbs, 18g protein et aussi, un oeuf: 78 calories, 5.3g fat, 0g carbs, 6.3g protein so after breakfast:
349 calories,
6.3g fat,
38g carbs,
33.3g protein. helluva lot of protein.
cool beans, man |
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people keep me around. i hate humanity. it disgusts me. on a completely separate note, several people are keeping me alive. if i was alone, i would die.
don't be silly. if i was alone, you wouldn't know me. no reaction from you. the general manager of the restaurant where i work has been suspended while he is being investigated for sexual harassment charges.
huh, fancy that.
silly boys, god did not give you a dick to dick around with.
then again would there be sexual harassment charges if women still thought of themselves as brainless hunks of meat.
all i know is that he's always been nice to me, and that his son committed suicide at the age of fourteen. i want to say: hey, don't dangle that carrot before this donkey. that carrot makes me commit suicide. all talk, no walk.
i am doing a detox routine, but probably going to take up smoking again. which is worse, carcinogens or preservatives?
good-night nobody.
p.s. i love you, matthew. |
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13,000 words. moving right along.
Current Mood: |
 thirsty |
Current Music: |
chris thile | |
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republicans are pro-life. whose life, though, i'm not sure.
Current Mood: |
 pissed off | |
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it's a beautiful morning and a beautiful day. i have changed so much since one month ago it is effing ridiculous. |
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absolutely beautiful rain. i spent the night last night at matt's, had odd dreams; the boy is amazing. it's fucked up to enjoy someone so much. after all it's been so long! and we're not even having sex yet. i'm on haitus... isn't it odd that a great relationship can exist even if sex isn't being had? this is a phenomenon i had not ever taken the time to investigate. no word from the U of A yet. i'm waiting patiently. thinking about moving to tucson in january, we'll see. love.
Current Mood: |
 happy. go figure! |
Current Music: |
the sound of silence | |
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i'll be goddamned if things aren't officially good again. |
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have been reading about gypsies. this, of course, makes me crazy. yesterday, managed to spend a godawful amount of money on who knows what. t-shirts at target for $2 when what i actually went there for was plants. matt came back from his vacations. we spent a wonderful time together. i am attempting to not dampen the mood by forcing myself to remember that idealism in the beginning of a relationship does not last, and instead forming something concrete will be in my best interest. i'm no longer deborah the sex maniac (ha ha, laugh all my actual exes) or deborah the fuck-up or iys or oshinn or anything else. i'm me, and i've taken control again. it comes and it goes, of course. in my hormone-ridden state, i am feeling weepy from time to time, and feeling weepy comes of course with feelings like, i want a cigarette. or, i should stop eating. but my mind is not me, i control my thoughts, not the other way around. i am glad kate and michael left me for a time. it forced me to claw my way back up again out of this sick hole i've been in. i don't know how my relationships with either of them will progress. i think michael just wants to pick up where we left off, which is not possible. kate, on the other hand, surprised me by telling me the actual reasons why she stopped talking to me, which made me angry, of course, but i'm over it. like i said, good things came out of it. and it's done. i just had cinnamon toast and applesauce and despite its being 90 degrees outside, i am content.
Current Mood: |
chipper |
Current Music: |
old high school anthems, actually | |
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i am officially a non-smoker. yay, me.
Current Mood: |
satisfied |
Current Music: |
something poppish | |
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Everything is smoothing out, it seems. Maybe it's thinking about the future that keeps me going. That can be dangerous... I don't want to get stuck in that rut, because 'the future' is intangible. All I can think about is what's going on right now and whether I like it or not, and if not, how to change it. But things are okay. Work is all right. French class is sailing along. I learned two new phrases today: "faire du genou", which means "to play kneesies", and "industries subventionées", which means "spoon-fed industries". The fact that I have no idea what these mean in English is irrelevant. I'm dating someone, Matt. Despite sharing the same name as my ex-boyfriend, he is a treasure. The facts that he loves cats and dislikes pornography only serve to raise him higher in my eyes... Odd, that in my descent into normalcy I start to hunt out a 'normal' and probably undesireable boyfriend and here I stumble across this person completly by accident, and he is incomprehensibly beautiful. Needless to say, I think the other Suitors in my life are a bit miffed that Matt waltzed in and did in a couple of days what they have been attempting for weeks. If you must blame it on something, boys, blame it on me being a girl. Time to go write. Au revoir.
Current Mood: |
content |
Current Music: |
Bush | |
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  oink.
Current Mood: |
 tired |
Current Music: |
i'm a little teapot | |
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plans, plans, plans, plans, plannsy plans, too many plans, plans that involve math and money and school and tucson and stupid fucking arizona and my car not breaking down for a while *crosses heart but emits hope to die* i've met someone that i like. isn't that just a kick in the pants
Current Mood: |
groggy |
Current Music: |
hello, lamppost | |
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i was going to write that jessica simpson has ugly tits, but it's not true. she has ugly everything. hilary duff has a new fragrance and skinnier arms. also, still, no talent. which is probably why she is busy creating fragrances, although i bet her new one smells like failure. hugo chavez spoke before the u.n. yesterday. as he stood at the podium where george bush delivered some sort of retard message a few days previously, he announced to the audience in his pompous venezuelan-styled way of repeating himself that it was the devil that had stood there recently. he said he could still smell the sulfur from the appearance. silly chavez. everyone laughed a bit cautiously. i bet they were all wishing they could have said it themselves. i guess oprah is thinking about running for president. looks like michael moore's dream, as annotated in dude, where's my country?, is coming true.
Current Mood: |
 silly |
Current Music: |
s & g as usual. | |
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i dreamed last night that i was linda ashcroft. and i woke up thinking, what is this getting into conformity thing... why do i want to be the same as everyone else again? OH YEAH, because i want people to like me... don't laugh. it helps.
Current Mood: |
sad |
Current Music: |
elliot smith | |
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things: i have strep throat two of my managers are fucking idiots my family is fucking INCENDIARY also, really weird. despite my having consumed probably tens of thousands of calories daily since i decided to la-la about drugs and all the stupid neuroses i have, i haven't gained any weight. in fact i lost half a pound, putting me at 124.5 on the doctor's scale today. so why do i feel- and look- fatter than ever? bye |
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p.s. in case anyone cares. i quit hard drugs. and i'm weaning myself off smoking... just one a day max. it shouldn't be too hard, i just want to get rid of this pack that i have. |
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i love how people think i 'style' my hair. i don't. when i blowdry it it looks strange. so i just let the wind blow it dry, or wrap a bandanna around it. life is going... well. i'm eating three meals a day and not even feeling bad about it. i've learned how to put on makeup properly. i am the proud owner of a pink wallet. i'm taking vitamin and calcium supplements every day. i *am* sick, but that'll go away, i hope. been working hard (and hardly working) trying to make some money. made a new friend called matt who just happens to be spectacular. my friend nick is leaving soon to go to tennessee and i am unsure how i feel about that. he's a damn cool person! i need to start making friends my own age who are female... i only had one female friend and she is no longer in my life. there is a sliver of a chance that i could move to oregon next year. everybody cross your fingers. i can't stand this place.
Current Mood: |
happy |
Current Music: |
the ugly song from zefrank | |
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would spaceship earth please stop so i may depart? thank you.
Current Mood: |
sick |
Current Music: |
david bowie | |
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dearlycorrupted's journal